Getting a dedicated piece of kink furniture is a crazy idea.

Let's be honest here. You are on this page debating whether you have the space, the budget, the patience, and the sheer confidence to commit to an artisan, hand-crafted piece of heirloom furniture: an art object whose sole purpose is to fulfill a laundry list of sexual fantasies.

I am aware that this is the part of the sales pitch where I'm supposed to tell you that it's actually not as expensive, as involved, as outlandish of a concept as you might think.

I am not going to tell you this.

Because you really are crazy.

So am I.

That's why we're here.

One of our Custom Designs from 2024

We make furniture that looks as sexy as you are.

The Hardest Woods for your Hard Wood.

Good projects always start with good wood. We source and select each hardwood board that is perfectly suited to the project. It's not cheap, but wood is a natural substance: Every board is unique, and you can't just order a board and hope for the best. We buy from local specialty hardwood suppliers, always in-person. It takes me hours each time I go. Some might say that's because I like that store, but shush you because that's not the point right now.

The point is that you're not normally going to find our materials at a blue or orange hardware store.

Made Correctly

There is a reason that we make furniture the old-fashioned way.

We use Mortise-and-tenon joinery, not glues*, screws*, hopes and prayers. The wood shavings you see in the background of this website? These aren't stock photos; they're from my shop. Real shavings that came from my jack plane as I was working on a commission.

Try it! Do a reverse image search. You won't find a stock photo anywhere on this website. It's all custom and handmade, just like everything else we do. This site is even custom: No templates here, all coded by hand.

*okay look we obviously use glue and some screws, but you get the point

Custom Everything

Every need is unique. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and if you are going to be commissioning custom woodworks, it had better be perfect. That’s why we recommend you visit our lovely shop in El Cajon, not far at all from beautiful downtown San Diego, California.

You want a light-up Cross that changes color with music? We got you. Laser engraving with whatever pattern you want? No problem. How about a spanking bench that flashes with light every time it detects an impact? Inlays and infill? Try any color of the rainbow. Your choice of wood, your color, your body dimensions and shapes. Does it need to break down and fit in a Honda Civic? Bring your car and we’ll make something that fits perfectly. Need a case for it? Built-in assembly and disassembly tools? Storage? Rope? Bombs? You got it my friend. As long as you have the rupees. Sorry, Link, I don’t give credit. Come back when you’re a little mmmmmmmm…..richer Sorry, I blacked out for a second there. What were we talking about? Right. Pretty much anything you need we can make happen. We are a full wood, metal, and plastic prop shop with a really big laser cutter. We specialize in wood, but we can make metal and upholstery happen, no problem.

Perfect Finish

To ensure a happy ending.

We use hard wax finishes to provide a durable, repairable surface that is moisture-repellant and accentuates the natural beauty of the wood. Every surface is sanded and rounded, with little details added everywhere they would be most helpful.


Laser engraving, cutting, and paint is of course also an option, included with every commission.

How we work

  1. You reach out to us, using one of the secured methods listed at the bottom of the page.
  2. We talk, either via text or phone call, about what you would like. What’s important to you, and what needs you have for the furniture. At this point, you can stop by our workshop in El Cajon if you wish for an in-person fitting, and to get an idea of types of wood, finish colors, hardware selection, and so on.
  3. Once we have a basic design down, I’ll give you a quote. If you like it, then we do 50% up-front as a deposit and to cover material costs. We accept Cash, Venmo, check, and credit cards. (Credit cards have a 3.5% convenience charge)
  4. You are then inserted into the schedule, and we’ll keep you updated as to where you are in the queue and timetable. Projects usually take no more than one to two weeks to manufacture, but if you are asking for something especially complicated, it could take longer. Expect progress pictures!
  5. When the project is done, come by and get it! We also deliver to most of San Diego County. Delivery to the LA area might be possible for a fee. Shipping beyond that may or may not be possible on a case-by-case basis. Get in touch to find out for sure!

FAQ

Let's Get Started.

Here's how to get in Contact:

Email me at [email protected]

or

Send a personal message on FetLife

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Securely message me on Signal

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Find me on Discord @Arcanistor